six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
