in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
