she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
