Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
