she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
