i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
