I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
