Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
