Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
