Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
