She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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