dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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