I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
