I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
