Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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