what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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