do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
