and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
