I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
