hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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