You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
