HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
