If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
