You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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