it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
