what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
50% drunk capacity currently
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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