I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
