TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
