You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
im on a boat
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