i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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