I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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