Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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