EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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