i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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