It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
