You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
