dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
