My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
