it wasn't lemon gatorade
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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