dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
