...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
