I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm passing your future prison.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
