I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
