i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
