Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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