the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
