one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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