I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
