A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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