4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize