Where did you get a picture of my penis
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
