you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
