apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
