Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i love accidental penises.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
