The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just high enough for therapy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
