You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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