Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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