a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
