I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
