allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
