Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
