I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Come on in and take your pants off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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