I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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