i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
