You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
