I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
