last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize