how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
