Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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