A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
