She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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