You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
