I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
