some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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