He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I want is dick and wine.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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