I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
