Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize