ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
