like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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